The self-care guide to keeping your cool when it feels like the world is going up in flames
Never in the history of calming down has anybody ever calmed down by being told to calm down.
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As much as we’d love to maintain a happy vibe at home 24/7, we all have moments where it really feels like that’s just a bit of a stretch. Especially with young kids, the end of the world seems to happen at least three times a day. At least.
While you’re scrambling to make sure that all is well and good with everyone under your roof, you forget to check whether or not you are ok, until mom-rage exits your body causing you to scream and flail as if you’ve just set yourself on fire— and by then, it’s already too late.
So, how do you keep yourself in check long enough to avoid mom-rage induced blackouts?
Well, it would help to remember that 1) you are not alone in your eternal search for peace and tranquility, and 2) that doesn’t make you a terrible parent. The truth is, we’re all human, and we lose our shit from time to time. Who hasn’t?
So, in lieu of turning to narcotics because of the stress presented by a pandemic-ridden holiday season, we’re giving you our personal checklist on what we (try to) do to prevent our brains from imploding, which is basically the bare minimum in self-care.
WALK IT OFF
Move those legs and break away because if you’re about to lose it, sometimes you just need a bit of space. It can be as simple as a stroll around the block or a quick trip to browse the aisles at the nearest grocery. Whatever is available to you, leave the kids with a capable adult for 10-15 minutes and by all means, just go.
Give yourself room to regulate your nervous system and bring yourself back when you’re ready.
DON’T THINK TWICE ABOUT HAVING THAT MID-AFTERNOON DRINK
I swear, we aren’t alcoholics; you can ask any of our friends. But seriously, there’s a reason the nightlife was such a booming business. Letting loose has been deemed essential, and sometimes you just need some help with that, and that’s okay!
You don’t have to end up a lush, but take some time to kick back with a drink, clear your mind, and wait for your kids to do something cute, so you can forget about what they did to piss you off in the first place.
TAKE A SELF-IMPOSED TIME-OUT
Saved a video to watch for later? —do that now.
Haven’t scrolled social media today? —have a look.
If your time-out happens to be inside a bathroom, maybe take a quick shower.
Remove yourself from the situation and take a breather. There might be some screaming (I mean the kids, not you), but you need a second to compose yourself, and there’s no point in making things worse than they already are. Time-outs actually work for people of all ages.
INDULGE
The frequent waves of rage might also be a build-up of all the things that are getting under your skin. You need to decompress, and one of our favorite ways of doing so, is by indulging in a treat.
Sneak in your favorite snack or order your favorite meal for delivery (and don’t forget to get something for the kids so they can leave you alone to enjoy yours in peace). Sometimes, we really just need to take some things off our list, and who hasn’t had enough of their own cooking?
TREAT YOURSELF
Add to cart. You deserve it.
Taking care of yourself is basically the whole point of self-care, and after the clusterfuck of a year we’ve just had, nobody deserves a good reward more than you. Don’t even think about questioning whether or not you’ve truly earned it… because honestly, you’ve done more than you ever thought possible. That, alone, is worthy of a celebration.
BRING OUT THE DIGITAL BABYSITTER
Hand the kids a gadget, and don’t feel bad about it! If it affords you an hour or so of peace, just fucking do it. Sorry, really not sorry, but it’s a privilege we don’t take for granted. And I swear, if our parents had the same options we do now, they would have totally sat us down with an iPad for a moment of peace. I have no doubt they also would have used it as leverage to threaten us if need be. That’s just how parenting goes.
BE STILL
Ever wonder why Buddhist monks can get kicked in the groin and still maintain perfect zen? They can meditate physical pain out of their bodies and have mastered the art of mind over matter. (Also, they don’t have kids. Just kidding.)
Sometimes, being still and allowing nothingness to calm you can make all the difference in the world, which is something that’s highly underestimated in today’s society that glorifies being busy. It doesn’t have to be surrender, it can be a pause. Whatever you need to do can wait.
TALK IT OUT
Tell your spouse. Text your BFF. Call your mom. Sometimes, all we really need to do is unload. Being heard and validating our feelings of disappointment or anger can be as therapeutic as going to a spa. Ok, maybe not, but it really does help. Communication and connection work wonders! (Don’t forget to ask if they have the headspace for it, though. We practice mindful dumping and respect boundaries— because we expect to be treated with the same kind of consideration!)
EXERCISE
It’s all about the endorphins. I know it sounds like a crock of shit if you’re not into this whole fitness thing, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself why these health buffs are always so damn chipper? I’m telling you— Endorphins. Look it up.
ASK FOR HELP
Have someone else put the kids to bed.
Pass on one thing that was on your to-do list.
Ask if another adult is capable of taking on one of your designated tasks.
There is power in knowing that you absolutely do not have to do everything on your own. Sometimes, that pressure to get all the things done by ourselves is the very thing that causes us to go into a full-blown meltdown in the first place.
Ask for assistance. Gladly accept help.
At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do our best. We’re all going through the motions of motherhood with that extra load of adjusting to post-pandemic times, and our children are growing through uncertain times and discovering for themselves how to fit into this big world. Big emotions all around!
Just keep going, Mama.
You’re doing an amazing job.
Originally published on December 22, 2020
UPDATED and edited on December 2022 for post-pandemic relativity (but the gist is universal, so we really stand by this!)
Feature image via @fireflowerpower on Instagram
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