Keep your sanity intact by ditching the mom-guilt this Holiday Season
When it comes to the most wonderful time of the year, trying to keep up with expectations can become extremely overwhelming. Aside from our usual to-do list, there are extra commitments, the added financial pressure of buying the perfect gifts and expensive feasts, or the overall need to please anyone and everyone around us. It just feels like there’s so much that needs to be done, and at some point, the merry inevitably turns to weary.
Sometimes, we find ourselves desperately wanting to create the perfect holiday atmosphere— at the expense of our own sanity. Mom-guilt starts to creep in when we entertain thoughts of, “I don’t wanna do that,” or “I’m not sure if I can afford it”. And while that’s all normal (and perfectly justifiable!), we beat ourselves up over it. Honestly, what good does that do anybody?
Throw in the complexities brought about by a global pandemic and… well, that just makes it a lot easier for everyone to unleash their inner Scrooge.
Adulting is hard enough as it is, and the last thing we need is to break under pressure because we “failed” to make our family Christmas all merry and bright. Over the years, I’ve realized that going over the top wasn’t necessary, and whenever I fell short, the only person that was really disappointed was… me.
COMMIT TO THE ESSENTIALS
When you think of the Holidays, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Every family is different and we all have our priorities. Let’s just bring it back to the basics. Is it the food, the decorations, presents under the tree, family gatherings, or a particular tradition? What is it that you really look forward to?
When it comes to managing multiple tasks, you don’t have to tone down on every single thing, but choosing which aspect deserves the extra attention is a game changer. You don’t have to spread yourself too thin, and you certainly don’t have to feel bad about not doing it all. Prioritize what matters to you the most.
For a lot of us, we choose to go that extra mile to make everything special for the kids, but the truth is, it doesn’t have to be too elaborate! Be honest about what you can do and keep your expectations at a realistic level. Maybe when they’re old enough to help, you can turn it up a notch, but while you’re trying to juggle this whole fiasco on you’re own— take the easy route. There’s no shame in that.
DON’T TURN A BLIND EYE TO CONVENIENCE
Yes, the Christmas feast is kind of a big deal, I get it. But can we all just agree that it’s not necessary to bleed for it? If making things from scratch isn’t your strong suit, don’t kill yourself over trying to make the perfect roast or baking a pie you picked off Pinterest.
There are plenty of small businesses that offer amazing food that your family will love all the same (if not more, sorry). Find some recommendations or read over some ratings online, and you will find something you can all look forward to. All you have to do is transfer it onto a plate, and decide where to place it on the table. What’s not to love?
Delivery services are your friends. Shortcuts are awesome, and pre-prepared anything is a godsend. Buying all the kids the same toy is still a gift. Getting your girlfriends matching self-care tools, still pretty thoughtful. Don’t look too much into it— you’re just working smarter, not harder. By no means does any of that translate to inadequate.
YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE TO BUY ALL THE PRESENTS
I know for a lot of people, not having all the gifts is what brings about the anxiety… but, hold up— take a deep breathe and think about it. Is it really the end of the world if you don’t spend your hard earned money on buying stuff for everyone? Will your kids think you’re a horrible parent for not getting everything on their list? What’s the worst that could happen? (You actually save for more practical expenses?)
The best things in life aren’t things.
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Most adults don’t even really need anything. We just follow the trend of gift-giving for the hell of it. Others really do express their love this way, and if it’s something that makes you absolutely happy, then go to town with it and simplify your load elsewhere.
I like buying presents for those close to me, but more than that, I really enjoy wrapping gifts. This year, I’ve included my three year old in helping decorate recycled paper with stamps, and I see this carrying on as our “thing”. It’s not so much about what we buy for others, but the meaning behind why we do it. If it’s something that you don’t care much for, then how important is it, really?
IT’S OKAY TO BE THE PARTY POOPER
There are plenty of times where boundaries come off as a complete killjoy. Unwelcome criticism can feel like darts piercing at your chest, and sometimes, it’s hard not to concede to the pressure. However, we are full grown adults, capable of making decisions that we believe suit our family best, and we are allowed to stand by that.
This may be the first time in the history of our lives that we actually have a valid reason to NOT see every relative we’ve had the pleasure of not talking to every Christmas. Let that sink in for a sec. If you’re concerned about your family’s safety, by all means, turn down that invitation to show up to a party. You’re not the asshole for putting your fam first, and thinking of everyone’s well being.
Of course, you’d have to be an absolute miracle worker to eliminate the stress and chaos out of the Holidays completely. Cut yourself some slack, and focus on what’s important to you. Remember that the illusion of perfection caused by social media does not set the bar. The “Magic of Christmas” is unique for every household, and the beauty is in how you make it just exactly right for your family. Even if that means you just watch horror movies together.
So, think about it. Choose wisely, and have a drink while you’re at it.
Feature image by Ulas & Merve
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