When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
viktor frankl
Over the course of my life, I’ve moved 22 times. I’m 37 now, and have never sat down to actually count. So if you feel a little shocked at the number, be assured that I’m right there with you.
Each move had its reasons— my family relocating to a different city, going to live with one parent, returning to the other, upgrading to a bigger place, downgrading when finances forced us to. But one big move I made stands out, as it was more recent than the rest, and made a significant impact on who I am today.
FEELING THE NEED FOR CHANGE
The purpose behind that move also makes it stand out. At the time, I was unhappy with my life. I felt unfulfilled, unrealized and trapped. In an attempt to temporarily escape, my family went on an extended vacation to Boracay, a small island located around the midsection of the many islands that comprises the Philippines. The island is a tourist magnet, a popular choice of settlement for retirees, expats and fellow city-dwellers looking for a change in lifestyle.
Long vacations aren’t inexpensive, so with frugality in mind, we opted to stay at a small condo further away from the beachfront hotels. We shopped at the local markets, explored the less-visited beaches, and drank mango shakes on them in between dips in the ocean. We partied with the tourists and locals at night and stayed on the island long enough to get a taste of what we thought life would be like for us there.
It didn’t feel like Manila, and I didn’t feel trapped. It felt like a new beginning. I was hooked. We all were. And on a spontaneous “fuck it, let’s do it” whim, we decided to make the move. It wasn’t a calculated decision. We sloppily scrambled to get affairs in orders. In haste, I found a house to rent, a school for the kids to attend, and a part-time job to keep us somewhat afloat while looking for businesses to invest in.
THE START OF A NEW LIFE, OR SO I THOUGHT
The first couple of months consisted of the same activities that made up our extended vacation. But as our savings were quickly running out and the nighttime partying was getting out of hand, I found myself in the same predicament I was in while living in Manila— frustrated, unhappy, and unfulfilled.
In a way, I thought moving would be the ticket to a new life. If I just transplanted myself to a new patch of dirt, I would miraculously emerge as a new person. While this method of transplantation-to-transformation may be effective for some, it wasn’t for me. Instead, my time on that island uncovered what was fundamentally wrong to begin with. There was no closure with the past I was trying to escape. I was unsure of myself and what I wanted in life. There I was, living what seemed like a fantasy, in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. And I was in turmoil.
LOOKING INWARDS & PUTTING IN THE REAL WORK
We stayed there for 2 years before things came crashing down. Luckily, the universe was kind and my experience in Boracay ended up serving as a catalyst leading up to real change— within myself.
Even better, my family evolved from this experience together. We learned that creating a new life doesn’t merely mean packing everything up and moving to an island. We physically placed ourselves in a setting where we thought we would be happy and called that work. Contrary to the hype, we were being called to look inward for happiness. Inward, where the real work needed to take place.
Looking back at photos, from our two-year stint on that beautiful island, used to rouse feelings of guilt, shame and regret. Yet now, after putting in some real work for growth that actual transformation and maturing requires, photos like the one above brings about feelings of acceptance, love for life, and fondness for each other— real happiness!
I’m not completely transformed yet— I still care about how many likes my social media posts get. I still explode on my loved ones when tested under stress. I still say the wrong things at the wrong time. But there is improvement, and hey— we’re all on a journey, right? And I’m definitely grateful for this stretch of mine.
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