Everyone, just shut the fuck up!
This is where I’m at. Week 9 of quarantine and mentally depleted. To be honest, I don’t even know how I’m writing this. I’m assuming my fingers are just typing away at the emotions that are running through me.
Ever since this virus has taken over the world, the chattering hasn’t stopped. No matter how near or far, information has been shooting at me left and right. I already don’t watch the news (haven’t for years), avoid clickbait on social media, and I haven’t been connecting with friends, simply because I don’t have the energy to discuss any of this madness. Lastly, I bounced out of my community group chat because leaving it on mute WAS NOT ENOUGH!
If you know me, then you know I am someone that loves to be home, but equally thrives being out. I don’t mean out at a party, although, I do love myself a good party- Dope music and a few tequila shots, dancing until my knees remind me I’m not in my 20’s anymore (Ok, I think i’m daydreaming again). I mean out walking around the city. I find so much inspiration in people watching. I love to see how others move, how people engage, their sense of fashion, the facial expressions, basically just living. All of it feeds my soul.
I guess i’m missing that, most of all. Human connection. Not necessarily chatting it up, but just being able to go out and feel ok. Saying hi to a stranger and making eye contact, without them freaking out. Right now, I can’t even step out on the lawn of my community without feeling judged. Someone just waiting for me to make one wrong move, so they can mention it in that toxic group chat I was just talking about. What’s even harder is you can’t even express how you feel without everyone putting in their two cents. People telling you that you’re wrong for feeling a certain way. All of a sudden, my feelings aren’t valid because it makes me selfish. Like mom-guilt wasn’t already eating me alive.
I have decided to give myself some grace, which can be extremely hard. Grace, meaning, I need space to process how I feel. Therefore, no, I will not be cooking as many meals, coz I’m freaking tired. Yes, you can watch on your iPad coz I can’t think of another indoor activity. Yes, I will take a nap while my husband watches the kids, because he is very capable. In a time that I crave connection, I also need silence. Time to decompress from everything being thrown my way. I need to breathe. Inhale the good in the world, exhale all the bullshit.
Damn, this is gonna be a lot of exhaling.
*Featured Image by: @wearecake.co via instagram
Have you signed up for our Virago letters?
It's where we get a little bit more personal and share a part of ourselves that isn't really for everyone.
Join our community, it would be awesome to have you!
