The six most common sexual encounters that leave us scratching our heads & we could all do better without. Honestly.
Let’s talk about sex, baby.
I’m going to make a radical assumption and say that everyone reading this has done the dirty. I’m also going to make the assumption that not all the sex you’ve ever had in your life has been perfect. The truth is, bad sex happens to everyone, it’s almost like a rite of passage.
Talking or reading about intercourse might make you feel bashful, but hear me out, Mama. I’ve been there, too. But we’re all grown-ass women here, and it’s something we have in common.
I think we can all agree that sex is important. I would even argue that the level of intimacy and love that is manifested and shared between a couple through sex, when done right, is a human necessity. We can/should have these conversations! I’ll go first!
There’s an infinite number of ways to do it right. Sexual preference is, after all, personal and unique. But there are also a handful of ways to do it wrong— agreed upon by the female anatomy.
So today, we’re calling out some of the most annoying sexual practices, be it from ignorance, vanity, or lack of common sense. And if any of these sound familiar to you, I hope it’s just a distant memory… otherwise, we gotta talk.
The Boy Scout
The type who tries to start a fire on your dry-ass vagina, because he doesn’t believe in or understand foreplay.
Thsufferin’ Thsuccotash
Dry is bad when it comes to kissing, too. But too wet is gross! Keeping spit swapping to a minimal is a required skill.
Big Headed
This is a double entendre for ya. The dude that told you to touch it, then asked, “Is it big?” Umm… is this a rhetorical question?
Woody Woodpecker
Oh, man. Remember when you first started having sex, and your dirty dance partner (who probably didn’t have much experience) just “pecked” at your vag, as if racing for a finish line? (Fist pumps or self-congratulations at the end for added cringe-ness, just coz)
Blind Man’s Bluff
The one who aimlessly rubs a clit way too aggressively, but completely missing the mark, ends up working the right outer labia instead, forcing you to either crush his ego (and let him know he knows not what he does) or just silently scoot your ass over a centimeter…or two. Yikes.
Whack-A-Mole
When the pounding is too hard and too sudden, like recklessly trying to move a heavy couch across the room with no thought as to ruining the hardwood flooring. The only sure thing this style will result in is an unsatisfied sexual hunger and a bruised floor… I mean pelvic area.
Talk dirty to me
The topic of good and bad sex – and how all of it relates to or is affected by motherhood – comes up in our Virago content meetings quite a bit. We are girlfriends above all else. These conversations result in a little blushing or flat out LOLing, but the point is— women can talk about sexual experiences, and finding out what works for our benefit is our right. (It is not just about making babies!)
As important fundamentals in any relationship goes, communication is key. Being able to open up is about trust, and you can let your partner know what you want more of or what doesn’t really do you any good. They may even appreciate a little guidance, and knowing they’re getting it right 100% is an ego boost that makes everyone a winner.
(Hot tip: try to avoid mentioning specifics of how they’re doing it wrong and ask if you can suggest something you wanna try— let’s keep these conversations positive and encouraging!).
Try new shit out and experiment. Keeping an open mind around the pleasure of sex can be life changing— for you and your partner. Life is too short to put up with mediocre intercourse.
May you find happiness in the simplest pleasures and be blessed with good sex and amazing O’s.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all you mothers and mother fuckers out there.
Feature image via Pinterest
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