Lockdown State of Mind

The Unofficial Stages of Quarantine Mentality

Life as we knew it came to a screeching halt and we were all left with unanswered questions and derailed plans. The anxiety was palpable as we forged into the grocery for that very first supply run (thinking we had to stock up for a month) as people nervously began to hoard goods. Everyone was on edge.

As the days went by, there was a change in the atmosphere. I don’t just mean the cleaner air and bluer skies, but rather the attitude, as everyone realized that all of this was out of their control and they were being given a chance to be still for the first time in years. The evolution of perspectives continued as the weeks went on, and as we begin our 3rd month on lockdown, it’s become a lot clearer that our experiences in quarantine, although different in their own ways, were also very similar. Much like the 5 stages of grief, we unknowingly went through the motions as we coped with the uncertainty of our future.

We can all agree that too much of anything is bad for you, and this includes… well, isolation with your family. Lord knows we love them dearly, but holy hell, is this a true testament of a mother’s love. They say the first step to recovery is identifying your emotions, and then approaching it with a solution takes some work. We’ve pinpointed our key sentiments, and if you’re somewhere down this line, then rest assured, you’re working it all out just like the rest of us.

I Could Totally Do This

Unsettled as we were, the optimism was high. The need to prepare was top priority, and man, did we do a lot of preparing.
The fridge is stocked, it’s just like 4th tri all over again, it will only be for a few weeks. Doable. Everyone will be at home, i will have help. This will be great. I just have to manage a schedule for the kids. Disinfect as you come back in, no contact with the outside world. We’re fine. The kids are fine. Everything is fine.

I’m So Productive, This Is Great

The realization that you could get a lot done, if you could just get your shit together.
Time is on our side! We can start a project, bake some goods, try new recipes, download that yoga app, facilitate activities with the little ones. I can attempt to sleep train, i’m totally down for sleeping early too, and i will journal in the morning when the house is still quiet. Perfect. This is all good.

Groundhog Day (aka Playing On Loop)

Like the sound of Paw Patrol in the background, the routine is starting to get to you.
Is Monday even a thing still? I’m losing track of time and i don’t even know what day it is. Patterns are forming in the most mundane of ways, and you can’t tell anymore if that funny thing that happened took place yesterday or the day before. Was it last week? Omg. I must be tripping. It’s time for bedtime routine again? Where did the day go? What did i even do?? I can’t.

Get Away From Me

Emotions are running high, cabin fever is surely setting in.
I don’t want to see or hear any of the people i live with. If someone touches me, i might snap. Hiding in the bathroom seems to be the best option and works on most days. Nobody speak to me, i’m serious. Why does everyone have to be so loud? Turn down the volume on that phone, is everyone fucking deaf???

Maybe I Could Step Out, Maybe?

This is the bargaining stage.
I won’t catch the virus. I’ll totally keep a safe distance. I won’t even touch anything. I just wanna be alone, in public. Away from my kids. It won’t even take long. Why are people walking dogs then? I can walk the dog. Some people are going to work, i’m just asking for some time to get some air. It won’t take long at all.
(Request denied) Duh.

I Never Want To Cook Another Meal In My Life

Fuck this shit. So over it. Someone else please feed my family.
How is it time to cook again?!? I swear, you guys just ate. What in the actual fuck.
Where did all the snacks go??
What do you guys wanna eat? No, not that. I don’t wanna make that. Something else.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Dread

Your alarm clock goes off (aka your kid) and you’re afraid to open your eyes. You don’t wanna move. You don’t wanna get out of bed. You don’t want to make food. You don’t want to do anything. You drag your feet and switch “automatic response” on. It all feels pointless. You don’t know why you feel so tired, but the monotony of everything is exhausting.

Timeout

The coping mechanisms come into play.
Cutting myself some slack and looking for ways to keep my head on straight- anything worth exploring to keep your sanity at manageable levels. Binge watching a series, attempting to make your favorite restaurant meal (remember those?), desperately looking for something that offers same-day delivery, a DIY face mask (the skin rejuvenating kind, not the anti-Covid kind), or even just sleeping in a little longer while someone else watches the kids. Whatever it is that you do that refuels you.

I Can Totally Do This

You circle back to getting it together.
Your family needs you. You will pull through. Initiate Plan B. Change things up a bit.
A new sense of optimism, but with more space to let things go, more compassion for everyone else around you, and a better understanding of the dire situation we are all in.

Hang tight, Mama. You got this.

Featured Image by: Mitsuko Nagone