Hindsight is 20/20, and we’re learning from those who have walked the path before us. We’re calling this segment “Been There, Done That” as we talk to experienced mamas whose children are now full-blown adults, and we can’t help but ask… what is that like??!
Leah C. Eriguel is a Transitions Coach and Narrative Coach who aims to help others shift their struggles into hero stories of their own. She’s a mom of two, Cara (35) and Jubal (32), and her tale of single-momhood is one that stretches through time and oceans apart, of strength, resilience, and, most importantly, deep and meaningful heart work.
Today, she shares with us some invaluable insight— rapid-fire style! Keep reading to find out her take on being present, healing toxic patterns, and great expectations.
What is one thing you know now that you wish you had known earlier in your motherhood journey?
There is no such thing as a perfect mom. The idea of a supermom is toxic. It makes you think you need to be all things perfect to your child, all at the same time, and no one can be that to anyone.
Our children will benefit more from sharing our authentic selves. It will teach them that adults mess up, get up and move forward. And that is okay.
Can you share a significant event that marks a turning point or a shift in the way you mothered your kids? (Maybe an eye-opening realization or aha moment) Why was this important?
When my son’s father & I separated, that’s when I realized that my communication skills left much to be desired; I was often circumventive when asking for my needs. I expected people I loved to know what I wanted. Breaking up broke my heart. It also taught me the realization that I needed to do Inner Work in order to break toxic patterns in my parenting — of myself and my children.
What is the toughest part of having adult children, and how do you manage that?
The realization that I am a parent forever! Even now, when my two kids are in their early 30’s, I realize I have to keep growing, learning, and expanding my heart so I can model all this for them. Healing ancestral toxicity starts with me. How do I manage? One deep breath at a time.
If you could go back in time for a day, which stage/phase of your children’s lives would you revisit? And why?
If I could go back in time, it would be when my kids were around 9 and 7. These were my first years as a single mom, and I made sooo many mistakes. But also, in my Love Bank, I have precious memories stored:
- Dancing in the rain with them
- Playing with Chance, our puppy pug, on the bed
- My kids hilariously leading me away from The Body Shop whenever we’d go to the mall
This is the time when they’re still young enough to absolutely love your company and old enough to surprise you with their amazing kid wisdom. Treasure these moments! At around 12 or 13, the aliens will take them, and if you’re lucky, they’ll come back loving you all over again in about 5-7 years 😅
If you could give your younger mom-self advice, what would it be?
Be in the moment. Stop overthinking. Stop worrying. Stop comparing. Be with them right now. When they show you their drawing, stop what you’re doing to take a moment and really look. However your work may seem sooo important, it’s not death-defying enough to take that moment to be 100% with your child. These are the things they’ll remember.
With certifications in Strengths Coaching, Writing through Transitions Coaching, Narrative Coaching, and Self-Love counseling, she co-creates transformative experiences by sharing well-being tools and the healing power of writing practice.
If you’re interested in taking a deep dive into your healing journey, join Leah in her much-anticipated weekend retreat, Reframing Your Mother Story, on June 24-25, 2023 at Casa San Pablo, Laguna.
Learn more about Leah by visiting her Heartworks Healing website.
All photos courtesy of Leah.
Cover photo shared by Cara Eriguel.
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