Such A Big Ego

Growth is uncomfortable because you’ve never been here before.

My emotions play a big role in my day to day. I have weeks of feeling highly energetic, inspired, and ever so optimistic. Then, I’ll hit a wall, and all of a sudden, worry takes over and I allow my ego to feed my emotions of doubt, which can be paralyzing.

There’s this huge assumption that when people are doing or have done “the work” it means we have it all figured out. But to be honest, I personally feel like your ego works harder to keep you down the more you level up. The more you journey through uncharted territory, the more your ego will go into overdrive and feed you lies and false emotions. The intention of your ego is to keep you safe, but it’s true when they say nothing that comes easy is really worth having.

LET’S GO A LITTLE DEEPER (—THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. SORRY, I HAD TO)

If you’re a bit confused about what I’m talking about, then let me explain the ego a bit more. Your ego is the voice in your head telling you who you are, based on past experiences. So, even if you don’t like to revisit the past, your ego will always bring you back to remind you (she can be such a bitch.)

You may have thoughts that sound like:
“You can’t because you aren’t good enough”
“You’re a shitty mother”
“Look at her, she can do it all while you’re struggling to just get one thing done.”

It nudges you to create excuses, and talk down on yourself. She (your ego) will make you feel misunderstood, lonely, or overlooked, which may have been emotions you felt as a child.

You might ask, but why? I thought ego was about wanting to be above others? The first time I heard about the term “ego” was when I was a young teen. But back then, I thought it meant someone was full of themselves, just super cocky. You would hear people say things like, “He’s an egomaniac!” and that statement completely made sense.

While that’s all true, it also wants to keep you in a safe space. Your ego doesn’t want you doing things outside of your comfort zone so it will keep saying no, relentlessly.

WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!

This is something that regularly haunts me. Putting so much of myself out there for the world to see has also made me second guess myself more than usual. Especially with my energy at work, personal healing, plus, my big goals at play— there is just so much to sift through. A tired mind is the ego’s best friend.

Now, think of your life as a mom— your workload, your mental load, and how many suppressed emotions you might be carrying. Geeze, typing that out alone makes me tired! Imagine how powerful your ego is when you are in the thick of motherhood. Add on trying to have a social life, as well as doing what you can to still be your own person. She can easily take you down the black-hole of unworthiness, feeling a huge sense of lack and total failure.

YOU CAN’T STOP ME

I get that I’m making “doing the work” sound exhausting. If I’m keeping it real, it’s because it is. But is it worth it? YES! Doing the work is most definitely worth it, because my self-awareness has expanded tremendously. To know yourself is one thing, but to be aware of your emotions, triggers, where they stem from, and how to move forward has been a fucking game changer.

For those who are feeling at war with yourself, pause for a sec and ask yourself— who is talking? Is it you or your ego? Then ask yourself what you need to do right now to help YOU! Self-talk is HUGE! Allow yourself to disagree with your ego.

Repeat after me, “No you’re wrong. I am not my thoughts.”

Being able to identify your triggers also helps— what sets you off? Where do these pain points stem from? Write it all down!

And lastly, we just need to breathe! Inhale the good juju and exhale the bullshit. Slow down your nervous system and ease your mind. This takes a lot of practice, but practice makes progress.

BOW DOWN BITCHES

When you learn to understand that you are at battle with yourself, and that you are more than capable of winning, the wall begins to look different. For me, that wall looked like a bed. It looked like my mind needed to rest and I understood that I needed to slow down if I wanted to continue to move with power and purpose.

Knowing and understanding how powerful you are is taking your power back— knowing that you are bigger than your thoughts and the bullshit lies it tries to feed you. You are worth everything you want, but it is an uphill battle!

Are you ready to join us on this climb? It’s not easy, but it’s a start, and we’re all starting from somewhere.

Sending all you mamas that are healing from something a warm hug, and a reminder that you’re not the only one struggling with these thoughts. No one is exempted, but you are in control. Allow yourself to be in control.